The Question

Our squad was warned that we’d be asked a question over and over when we got back.

How was it?

I smile and pause, not sure what to say. When I give a vague answer to the vague question, I can see the curious look on their face. 

I can see the response written in their expression. That’s it? 

And I know it, too. Even as I’m answering, I fully understand how odd that one worded answer must sound. 

But it’s so hard to answer. Think about the last year of your life. Imagine me asking you in a casual conversation…how was the last 11 months? 

Difficult to articulate, right?

It was nothing I expected, but everything the Lord knew I needed.

So, how was it?


It was the daily prayer walks when I desperately wanted to hear the Lord, not even fully understanding what that meant. The prayer I prayed over our friend John that didn’t pan out the way I imagined it. The trip to Budapest for a day where we saw the city lights from a castle on a hill.

It was the spiritual darkness that I’ve never experienced before. The physical darkness of gloomy days and freezing cold [for a Texan]. The street evangelism that made me cringe in discomfort. The mice that lived amongst us in that big house. ‘The plague’ that took out three-fourths of my squad for days.

It was the relief of warm summer weather, sleeping in a tent with a lake view. The first time I actually realized that I hear the voice of the Lord. The phone call I made that is still one of my favorite memories of the Race.

It was the learning curve of understanding African culture, letting go of my standards. Receiving constructive feedback from my team that changed my whole perspective. It was the last month with our first team.

It was switching roles and being trained to lead our squad, navigating the confusion of being chosen to squad lead and beginning the process of confidence in Christ. The sweet affirmation of my squad telling me that I’m fit for the role. It was the safari in South Africa where we saw a lion hunting wildebeests. 

It was the excitement of a new continent and humidity like Texas. But it was also the slump I never wanted to experience, and a desire to just go home and be comfortable. It was binge watching Netflix and not leveraging my time wisely. It was a moment where the Lord again confirmed that I hear Him clearly. It was processing and repentance. It was an incredibly fun girls’ night of celebrating and dancing.

It was the red light district in Bangkok that seems unbelievable, yet it was right in front of my eyes. It was the hours spent at McDonald’s with Amy and Chels, dreaming up a vision for the last three months of our Race. It was the Awakening Conference where the Lord told me about leadership. It was my parents coming to visit me, seeing them for the first time in 7 months. 

It was all 15 women on our squad dwelling together. It was a month where Satan lied to me a lot, and I believed him. It was moving a homeless center out of their space to prepare for a new one. It was a month of apathy and worldly distractions, similar to the States. It was coming together as a squad and owning our leadership. It was riding an indoor roller coaster three times for 10 dollars.

It was building relationships with the locals. Visiting tribes deep in the mountains. It was teaching English and leading Bible studies. It was rest and enjoying a library on the property, appreciating a couch to relax on. It was genuine friendships and hard goodbyes.

[Costa Rica]
It was abundance in the Lord. Growing friendships in the squad. A deeper understanding of the breadth of our relationships with the Lord and the spiritual realm. It was seeing an example of someone living out their faith with Holy Spirit. It was community with the local church like I had never experienced on the Race. It was a beautiful beach, surfing, and zip lining with great friends. 

[Our Final Week]
It was a week of more tears than I could have ever anticipated. It was final moments with friends I’d spent almost an entire year with. It was debriefing and celebrating. It was playing a spike ball tournament with the entire squad. It was bawling during our last worship session together. It was saying the hardest goodbyes yet.

It just was. And I’ll never be able to fully explain it.


3 thoughts on “The Question”

  1. I am also thankful for all the lives YOU touched.
    Thankful for all the people who know the Lord, because of YOU.
    Thankful for all the people who have deepened their love of the Lord.
    And thankful for all the people who love their neighbors as themselves.
    And this was possible because of YOU.
    Thank YOU.
    YOU made a difference.


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